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This week I was faced with a challenge concerning my children and I had to decide how I was going to respond. Was I going to respond as an immature child or respond as the grown up that I am. Do I pick up the phone and flip out or wait until I am calm enough to address it appropriately? My first thought was to cuss people out but again the thought, do I respond as a child or as a mother. My-ex husband use to call me a “momma bear” because my automatic response to someone hurting my children was to protect and destroy. After listening to my child and hearing the hurt in his voice, I was definitely in the mood to destroy but again do I respond as a child or as a mother. Not to mention my children are watching me. I sat quietly for a while and decided I would first address my child and correct the negative words spoken to him. I reminded him that is okay to remind people if they do not have anything nice to say, they shouldn’t say anything at all. I told him that he is perfectly fine and God created him with his own personality, mind, and creativity for a reason. I also reminded him and his brother of Psalms 139:14, that they were fearfully and wonderfully made and not to allow anybody (family included) to make them feel bad about who they are. I then decided to pray for the adult and ask God for peace in this situation instead of raising hell.

One of my greatest irritations is when an adult speaks negatively to a child and tries to make them feel bad about him or herself. Children are to be loved and protected. There is a great difference between discipline or behavior correction and tearing a child down. In this situation it was nothing but negativity.

Although the situation started negative a few positives came out of it: 1) I took the time to remind my sons of who they are and it brought a smile to their faces; 2) I paused before I responded; and most importantly 3) I could see my growth because many years ago the ending would have been much different. I realized that protecting my children doesn’t have to start with a mutha f**** it can simply start with “God you know what I want to do but I ask you to help me do what I need to do”. It’s not easy but I have to decide what I want my children to see.

I encourage adults to be mindful of the words they speak to children whether it is your child, grandchild, niece, nephew, friend, or stranger. You cannot speak negative words over a child then be distraught if they act them out. As a young person many negative words were spoken over me and after a while I started to believe them. It took many years to grow beyond the words spoken and see myself in a positive light. So I appeal to you instead of being negative, try speaking life to children and young people. You will be amazed at what a difference it makes. 

One love,

MJ

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